I thought I wasn’t good enough..

This is story about my past.

I thought I treated myself well.

I thought I cared myself well.

I thought I was good enough for everyone else near me.

I was trying to be good girlfriend, friend, daugther, sister, aunt, student, employee and somehow I forgot something very important.

I forgot myself in the meanwhile.

I ate healthy. I thought I ate healthy.

I exercised and went for a run or walk multiple times at week. I don’t really remember anymore how much but I tried always to do better and be stronger.

I tried to study well and do my best while I tried to learn new skills in my field or work.

I always said myself that I could do better.

It wasn’t enough what I did.

I didn’t realise that I was saying to myself at the same time that I am not enough.

I am not enough.

I am not enough.

I felt like that subconsciously.

I didn’t know this back then. Until now.

After years went by.

I had a lot of hidden emotions, thoughts and nodes.

Now I try to open those.

I try to learn how to love myself.

I try to take care of myself better.

I try to be merciful to myself.

I try to remember to tell myself every day that I am good enough.

I am good enough.

I am surrounded with people who love me.

I try to remember that I can trust my family members, other people and go-workers.

Sometimes I have difficulties to trust new people that I don’t know well enough.

It’s been like that since I was teenager.

I was bullied at school.

Other people said I am fat.

Other people said I am ugly.

I wasn’t part of the group at school.

My childhood bestfriend rejected me without reason when I was 12 or 13 years old and I didn’t ever get to know why.

I was depressed even then already. I didn’t understand this.

I left from my childhood town when I was 15 years old and moved away to live with my mom. I was just finished school and I thought I want to move on from those small circles.

When I was older in my first serious relationship, my boyfriend told me sometimes that I was not fit enough. And he said that I shouldn’t wear short dresses because my leags wasn’t fit enough. And I never used those ones then.

And I was in normal weight back then.

Well I understanded that I have to leave from this relationship to live better life and take care of myself more.

I moved away to live by myself in a very small appartment, where was just my bed and some dresser. It was just 24 square meters space to start my new era of life.

I was feeling so free and relieved that I can remember that time of my life still today.

This is me few years ago, after I got to be alone and recover, take care of myself more. This story continues some other time.. soon!

Thank you for reading!